I know, I know when you read the title so many things will come to mind. "Oh god is it about me", "what is he insecure about now", "is it something I said or did to him"...
No, It's all on me. Thinking about your future sucks it makes you evaluate your stability, provision for you singly and future family, how far behind you are in life compared to others around your age and life.
It's a kick in the sack if you ask me. I'm not emotional it just sucks but as much as it sucks, I'm pushing because I want this and need this. I want the best not only for me but for my future family.
Earning money is already hard as it is yet alone saving with debt and the horrible economy, we are currently living in.
I made a promise to myself though... I will have the financial freedom I desire for myself and my soon to be family, it may not be tomorrow but one day it will be. I will have the desired ring before the end of fall for my girlfriend and will do my best to save as much as possible to have a decent wedding and honeymoon, we both deserve and desire.
As well as try to gather enough money after all that to put a good down for our forever home.
Yea it can be stressful at times and overwhelming at the moment I can't lie but I know when I settle down and rethink it, it's like fresh air flowing through my lungs inspiring and challenging me to be better/ do better and rise up to the goal that needs to be met.
I have challenged myself to do this to lower my debt to the lowest I can before the end of July so I can start move forward in my life and start to mold and form a future with my girlfriend and her kids.
The future use to scare me when I was younger, more the sense of the UNKOWN did really because life is so unpredictable. But ever sense she has come into my life my prospective has changed I want the unknown because that how I met her. I fear that my future with her won't last but that my negative mind trying to cripple me because I know she loves me beyond any measure and believe her words because she carries weight when she speaks and its true.
In the beginning it was hard to but the more I spend time with her she shows me undeniable truth and my worry no longer is there like I use to have. She has shown me true love and she tells me endless how much I deserve to be love. I could not be any happier it's her I fell in love with, and our story is unorthodox yes, but that's a different story for a different blog...
But to bring it full circle that's why I'm beating myself up because as much love as I give her, I want to provide financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
so yes, I'm hard on myself because she deserves a good life and I want to also feel like I can please her and provide for my future family and give us the life.
So, this is a declaration to my future self that a day by day I will be the best I can and prove to myself and my future family we will be okay, and they will be taken care of. ❤
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