man, we all have those days where you feel so overwhelmed...
DEFEATED would be a better word to use. In the moment we feel so unworthy, Uncapable, less then, etc...
but boy oh boy does it feel like HELL in the mist of the storm. later when that darkness begins to lift up and subside, we release we made it worse than it was, and that Ladies and Gentlemen is called overthinking.
I Cristobal knows what this glimpse of Hell is because I'm an overthinker. I read between the lines even when there is nothing to read but I do anyway, I come up with different types of conclusions leaving me only to drown in my own mind thinking what I did wrong or is this really happening, then that ends up biting me in the butt. for example.
I just recently became A boyfriend after years of being single. Sorry ladies I'm off the market for good.
Yes, she is the most unique, loving, kindhearted, one of a kind, Gem, dolling up, stubborn, irresistible woman on the face of this earth. How did I get her? HA! don't ask me because I am wondering the same thing but she's by my side still after putting up with me for 8 years of being friends and almost 4 months of dating full of anger, backlashes, stubbornness, hate, love, kind, overthinking, and coming up with assumption's version of me..
She just got divorced in the beginning of the year. we started to talk, and it flourished into something amazing. I honestly don't know how I did life without her.
with that being said, she is still hurting and now I am in a dilemma. she brings him up (because she has kids with the Idiot) and at first, I was fine and okay with her expressing how she felt, but as time went on and we continue to explore our relationship it started to bother me and even question when she will stop talking about him. I just want to focus on US and our future and form our family.
Then my mind starts to ask Questions....
will she ever get over him?
why do she keep bring him up?
Why don't she focus on me like that?
I'm right here and love you but you choose to talk about him?
does she still have feeling there even though she tells me she doesn't?
and the list goes on ETC...
I didn't know how to bring up what was bothering me because it always sounds bad (lack of good words used),. so I felt conflicted on how to approach this because we have argued multiple times about it. I don't want to be selfish but at the same time I don't want to lose her because I'm not being understanding enough or being supportive enough and I'm trying. I'm trying my best and I feel like I'm failing and I beat myself up and view myself as a self center one minded selfish boyfriend.
I know. I know. you can't rush the process of healing and you can't rush perfection.
It's just hard!
But you want to know if you are really in love? this is how you know if you truly love someone, in the mist of confliction and undervalued (in my mind) I realized I can't let the PROCESS of any kind keep me from her.
we shared our view and options and listened to each other. we seen our wrongs and we promised to work on them no matter how hard it can get,
Keep fighting for the life, love, and world you want because at the end of the day you are the only one that can make it happen in your mind and your time spam you have on this earth.
I choose to fight for this and her in the mist of how hard it can be for me and try to be as understanding as I can be for her healing and our future. she's worth the struggle, the fight, and everything else I may go through because she is the one for me and I can't do life without her smiling at me, her comforting kisses, and I love U's.
that is what has been heavy on my chest...
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